Meet the Jorksons
Episode 2: Pound for Pound.
Ext. Day. BECK, a woman in a sunflower-patterned dress, is watering the flowers in front of the house. There is a COMMOTION and the front door is JETTISONED off its hinges into the empty street. Another Beck emerges. She is wearing a rose-themed dress and a white apron, her hair is messy and singed.
BECK: The pound cake is too dense.
The first Beck blinks very slowly. She turns the can upside-down and goes inside, leaving her future self on the front porch. Her duplicate sits down, dejected.
A door manifests partially underground near the porch. It THWUMPS twice. Then a new door appears, level with the ground. It swings open, and MISTER, a tall figure of indeterminate gender, emerges. Like Beck, they are streaked with ash and soot. There is APPLAUSE.
Mister opens their mouth and the sound of A SINGLE SAW STROKE ON A PLANK OF LOCUST WOOD is heard. The one-liner is followed by a LAUGH TRACK.
BECK: It could, but... I never listen to myself.
Mister speaks again with two saw strokes, this time pulling a GRAPH from under their hat. Beck takes it.
BECK: Figures.
The house explodes.
In the split second before the flames engulf the Jorksons, Mister opens their mouth and the view of the world glitches and pixelates, stuttering into an incomprehensible still orange image.
Introductory credits.
Int. (A large 19th-century study. Three children are playing in the background.) NEW WEBSTER’S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY, a large, nervous man in a tweed suit, is sitting at a DESK sorting PAPERS. He seems to be oblivious to the carpet fire that the children are attempting to extinguish in front of him.
NEW WEBSTER: Has anyone seen my spectacles?
The smallest child looks up.
UMBRELLA KID: Who do you think you are?
New Webster looks down to the desk immediately in front of him and picks up a pair of glasses.
NEW WEBSTER: Ah.
He exits. ROBBIE, the most bendable child, throws himself onto the rug in an attempt to smother the fire. He is not successful. The third sibling, TECH, runs in with a bucket and douses the flames.
TECH: That was awful. Can we do the desk next.
The LAUGH TRACK is played.
UMBRELLA KID: Where am I!
The LAUGH TRACK is played again, much too loud. The children set the desk-globe on fire as a second Tech, covered in minor burns, enters and stands in the doorway.
TECH (bored): Hey. Mom needs your help.
There is a pause of several minutes. Techs one and two stare at each other while the globe burns.
UMBRELLA KID: WHAT’S SLAPPING!
TECH: She made a cake that broke the universe or something.
TECH: Is that bad.
TECH: It’s what you make of it.
The siblings follow Tech into the kitchen, where they gather around a humming oven with a bright red interior. The oven is humming, singing, alive with the heat.
UMBRELLA KID: hhhheeeeeehhnnhggnhghhiiiiiihhhzhxjxhhha
The oven’s song grows discordant. You can hear sharp breaths between each two measures. Every time the oven draws a breath, a songbird dies from respiratory failure somewhere in Europe. There is no way to prove correlation, and no one will ever notice.
Future Beck runs into the room and overhands an egg timer through the window. The timer rings anyway despite being outside, and the oven door drops open. The pound cake is too dense.
BECK: Well, shoot.
In the brief instance before the universe collapses in on itself, the Jorksons are jettisoned into an emergency pocket dimension. The multiverse implodes around the cake, melting into a singularity of sugar, eggs, milk, and hot, delicious absence. It is exactly “what you make of it.”
The Jorksons tumble out of several different doors into a damp cave of green translucent rock, followed by roaring BLASTS of FLAME, which are cut off as Mister closes their sloppily manifested entryways. A small audience APPLAUDS again. The sound of the audience is closer than it was before.
BECK: Where are we?
UMBRELLA KID: Who are any of you!
The cave is obviously a dentist’s office's waiting's room. On the wall, there is a portrait of a single horse molar encased in a cone of beeswax. Floating above the painting are words in orange comic sans: “Tooth Dentist —>”
The horse molar portrait vibrates. It is angry.
TECH: Hey, look at that.
Tech points to a MYSTERIOUS ORB. The LAUGH TRACK is heard again. It is coming from just around the corner.
New Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary enters the cave from just around the corner. He has seen something he was not supposed to see. He is holding an egg timer.
NEW WEBSTER (shaken): I know where the laughter is.
TECH: Can we do something about the universe being broken?
OTHER TECH: I have algebra homework. Where’s the “dog”?
UMBRELLA KID: BOUNCE!
Mister CLAPS, (CLAPS) and the Jorksons are back in their regular living room, but all the furniture is upside-down. A BANNER unfurls that says “Giant Invisible Spiders.” The phrase is crossed out with pink sharpie and underneath is written “Maggot!”
BECK: BOUNCE!
There are 36 seconds on the egg timer.
ROBBIE: (Desperately) BOUNCE!
There are 9 seconds on the timer. The Pound Cake is almost ready.
The doorbell rings. Tech walks over and opens the door. LILY, Tech’s friend, enters. She is puzzled by the state of the furniture.
LILY: Hi, everyone.
TECH: Hey, Lily.
LILY: (to Tech) Hey, do you wanna hang out? My dad finally fixed the trampoline.
TECH: Oh, hell yeah.
BOUNCE, a normal dog, enters the room. The remnants of a very dense pound cake coat what where one would imagine its mouth might be.
LILY: Oh no, your dog ate your cake!
Bounce BARKS. Everyone laughs. The credits are written in Old Eastern Slavic and the outro plays forward instead of in reverse.
THE END.